i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize