Acid is not a monday night drug
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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