dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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