girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
