There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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