How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize