I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I lost the right to judge tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
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