Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
