Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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