it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
is wine microwaveable?
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
