Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
