I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
