her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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