i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
