I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
