It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
