I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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