Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
We are two peas in an std pod
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize