I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
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MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
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Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
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