Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Randomize
