I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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