my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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