Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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