And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
