If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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