i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
29 People Who Do Dirty Things Just To Get Their Way
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.