i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it