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I just pynch a tree in the face
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
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