hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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