her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize