The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize
