Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
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