just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
