fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
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