I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
