Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
