Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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