Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Randomize
