i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
