I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
