he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
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