Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
