You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
The uberlube is also flammable
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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