By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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