The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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