I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
if i died would you start the facebook group?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
