Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
