I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
