We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
