I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Randomize
