I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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