i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Is Oprah even human
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Randomize
