at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
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