and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
