I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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