If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
