who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
