how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize