i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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