Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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