this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Randomize
