she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
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I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
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Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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