i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
