Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize