I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
