$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
